There’s a version of family photography marketing that goes something like this: busy mum, exhausted but radiant, finally gets the photos she’s been wanting. Dad’s there too, of course – slightly reluctant, slightly bewildered, pleasantly surprised at the end.
I’ve seen that story told so many times it’s become a genre. And I understand why it exists. Mums do carry an enormous amount. The planning, the remembering, the emotional labour of keeping a household running – the mental load is real, and I’m not here to minimise it. It makes sense that the person who thought to book the photographer is often the person who has been quietly wanting these images for years.
But when I think about dads in family photos – the ones I’ve actually made – the story is more complicated than that.
Because I’ve started to notice something in the families I photograph. Dads who are really there – down on the floor, doing the voices, knowing exactly how to make their kid laugh. Dads who are the ones who do the bath time, the school run, the weekend mornings. Dads who would never describe themselves as reluctant about a family photo session, because they want to be seen with their children just as much.
And increasingly, families where the whole “mum and dad” framing doesn’t apply at all.
The dads in family photos who actually reach out to me
In the past few years, I’ve had quite a few dads contact me directly to book a session. Not because their partner asked them to, but because they wanted it.
That shift feels significant. Something is changing about who considers themselves the keeper of family memory.
I’ve also heard from same-sex couples who’ve told me they find a lot of family photography content simply doesn’t speak to them because it’s so deeply built around one particular version of what a family looks like.
The objection I hear most often
When dads are resistant to a family shoot, it’s rarely “I don’t want to be in photos with my kids.” It’s usually something more like: I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know what to wear. I don’t know how to stand. This feels weird and unnatural.
That’s a documentary photography problem to solve, not evidence that dads don’t care about family photos.
Documentary family photography isn’t about how you look. It’s not a formal portrait where everyone has to find their best angle and hold it for thirty seconds. It’s about what you actually do together – and most dads I’ve ever photographed are completely natural the moment they stop thinking about the camera and start thinking about their child.
Mums sometimes have the opposite concern: I want to look good in these, which is completely valid. But I’d gently push back on the idea that looking good is the same as being present. The photos where you look most yourself are almost always the ones where you forgot about the camera entirely.
The photos aren’t for you right now — but that doesn’t mean you won’t love them
Here’s the thing I tell every family I work with: these images are not primarily for you. They’re for your children. They’re the visual record your kids will have of what their childhood felt like, who was there, how loved they were.
That framing sometimes makes people feel better about their hair or the state of their kitchen. But it shouldn’t be used to suggest you won’t also cherish them – because almost everyone does, including the dads who walked in looking mildly uncertain.
Why I think it matters to say this out loud
I’m not a parent. But I’ve watched, from close range, what it looks like when a father doesn’t have enough presence in his children’s lives and how devastating that is for everyone involved. And I’ve also watched fathers in healthy, equal partnerships show up as fully and lovingly as any parent I’ve ever seen.
The narrative that dads are incidental to family photography – that they’re there to be coaxed along – doesn’t match what I actually see. And I think if we keep telling that story, we reinforce something that isn’t serving anyone.
Parenting is shifting. Slowly, unevenly, imperfectly – but it is shifting. I’d rather my work reflected where we’re going than where we’ve been.
So if you’re a dad reading this: you’re not a reluctant participant. You’re not a footnote. These photos are for you too.
And if you’re a mum reading this, thinking about booking a session: bring him. Not because you have to. Because in twenty years, your kids will want to see him there.
